@AlliFlowers 1) I should be exactly as free to talk about my past as literally every other person on this planet 2) I don’t owe you invisibility for your comfort 3) I’m proud of the Herculean effort it took to get here 4) it makes trans youth safer 5) it isn’t an option anyway because I don’t pass, not everyone does or ever will and 6) because visibility is essential to gaining civil rights. The real question is: why do you think you have the right to ask me to hide??
@phoenixashes76 I’m not asking you to hide. But the fact that my male friend was once a female, or even that my female friend likes women, or that I like just about all humans of any sex or gender orientation, is about as relevant to most conversations as is shoe size.
@AlliFlowers that simply isn’t true. It’s a part of those people and it shapes every part of their lives, if you call yourself their friend it’s your job to listen to their experiences. This is the variation of transphobia that shows up as “I don’t see color” in discussions of racism
@phoenixashes76 If one goes through the effort of transitioning, you are now a butterfly. No need to point out that you were once a caterpillar.
@AlliFlowers the same way I’m guessing that your cancer story is part of your past? it’s something that is part of me. Life is made up of good and bad bits, like everyone else?
At the same time, by acknowledging who I am and my life story, and by being authentic to myself and my life, I hope I can help others on similar journeys, whatever their particular challenges.
@Aminorjourney Thank you. Sometimes we just need a way to relate.
@AlliFlowers Exactly.
For what it’s worth: I transitioned in 2001. I was still at Univeristy. I spent the majority of the next 15 years not being out. I changed that when I realised that my being more public about my past helped normalise and educate. It also helped others see that life can go on, despite what some horrendous people want you to believe.
There are days when it doesn’t feel like that, especially in today’s climate. But what kind of person (and mother) would I be if I didn’t stand proud and advocate?
@AlliFlowers
For some, like my daughter, life is just that simple. She let us know who she wasn't at 3.5 yo and who she was a few months later. We adjusted accordingly and cleared up her paperwork along the way. Now she just has a medical issue or two to take care of.
For others, like me, it's more complex and there are bits and pieces and relationships that span decades, all along my transition.
But also, there was a brief period right after Obergefell when I and so many other older adult trans people had to decide whether to blend in and disappear, or stand out, stand up, and fight.
We use "trans" to signify that there are more of us than people would otherwise realize and that as adults, we know what we are doing. Otherwise, trans kids would have to stand alone in a fight against well established, powerful adults.